Avoidant Personality Disorder

Using information and experience to spread awareness of AvPD.
Created by a group of #actuallyavoidant frogs!

What is AvPD?

Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) is a mental illness where people use maladaptive strategies and behaviors to avoid facing criticism or rejection. People with avoidant personality disorder often engage in solitary activities, distancing themselves from all relationships. They often struggle with identity issues and dissociation, distancing themselves from their emotions and their environment. They may self-isolate or avoid any form of intimacy in fear of being rejected.People with AvPD are often overly concerned about how their words, actions, or opinions may be perceived by others. They believe that everyone hates them, or that they are constantly inadequate, which can make social interaction exceedingly difficult. They are often nervous or uncomfortable in social situations; many are described as “aloof” or “tense” by the people around them. However, some people with AvPD report having one or more Safe People, or people who they do not experience as many symptoms around.Overall, AvPD is characterized by a persistent avoidance of rejection and social interaction, and intense feelings of inferiority. About 2.4% of the American population experiences AvPD, but it is a very understudied disorder.

DSM-5 Criteria for AvPD

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5) describes AvPD as follows:

❝Feelings of inadequacy, a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation are present in a variety of contexts, beginning by early adulthood as indicated by 4 (or more) of the following:

  • Avoidance of activities related to an occupation that involve significant interpersonal contact due to fears of such issues as disapproval, criticism, or rejection.

  • Do not want to get involved with people unless they are sure of being liked.

  • Displays restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being ridiculed or shamed.

  • Is preoccupied with being rejected or criticized in normal social situations.

  • Shows inhibition in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.

  • Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, and inferior to other people.

  • Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or engage in new activities because they may prove embarrassing.❞

Comorbid Disorders

Comorbidities occur when someone has two or more health conditions at the same time. These disorders can be related, as the symptoms of one may impact the severity of another.Cormodibites can make symptoms of AvPD worse. People with AvPD may struggle with multiple disorders, including• Depressive Disorders, such as:
↬ Major Depressive Disorder
↬ Persistent Depressive Disorder
• Anxiety disorders, such as:
↬ Social Anxiety Disorder
↬ Panic Disorder (with Agoraphobia)
↬ Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Other personality disorders, such as:
↬ Dependent Personality Disorder
↬ Borderline Personality Disorder
↬ Obsessive-Compulsive Personality DisorderAnd several others, including Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Substance Use Disorder, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There aren’t many statistics for how frequently these comorbidities occur, but research has shown that about 10-50% of people who have panic disorder with agoraphobia and 20-40% of those with social anxiety disorder have AvPD.

Personal Experiences

It can be difficult to understand what having AvPD is like. A 2019 study was conducted on the lives of people living with AvPD, and this article is an easy-to-read summary of their findings.It’s generally rare for someone with AvPD to share their experiences unless they are guaranteed anonymity. Having AvPD makes opening up about your AvPD significantly difficult; many of us are afraid of being judged or ridiculed for having AvPD. If you know someone who has AvPD, please understand that it’s very difficult for them to share personal information like this, even if they want to.For me, every conversation is a battle. It’s like having a constant voice in your head going, “Stop talking. You say nothing of value. People hate you,” every time you talk to someone. I have to work myself up to having conversations with people, and then I’ll crash for days after a single interaction. I’m often so focused on analyzing others’ microexpressions and mannerisms for signs that I’ve done something wrong that I’ll miss entire conversations as they’re happening.My AvPD symptoms also extend to texting/digital messaging. This post on r/AvPD is a great description of what goes through many of our minds while texting people. Every message I send takes tremendous amounts of energy. As a result, I tend to ghost people or leave them on read; I have thousands of unopened texts, DMs, calls, etc. from friends and loved ones that I genuinely want to talk to.I can’t handle the thought of others having any sort of opinion of me–whether it be negative or positive. The mere thought of rejection sends me into panic attacks, but compliments and praise can also make me feel terribly uncomfortable. My mind will often deem random information (i.e. public hobbies, favorite colors, etc.) as “too personal” to share; many of my friends don’t know anything about my life beyond the environments that we interact in. I often feel as though I have no personality, or that my personality changes to meet the needs of those around me.More often than not, people with AvPD want to build connections with others, but we’re overwhelmingly afraid of being judged. If you know someone with AvPD and they seem to be pulling away from you, please know that they don’t hate you. It’s more likely that they’re scared they might embarrass themselves or do something that causes you to hate them.But it’s important to note that having AvPD doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. If you have AvPD, there are people out there who know how you’re feeling and can relate to your struggles. And there are people out there who are willing to form relationships with you despite them! You will find spaces where you can open up and be listened to, free from judgment. Even though it may not seem like it, the world is not full of rejection and hatred. You deserve kindness and acceptance, and one day, you will find it.

(For more personal experiences and resources, here’s a link to the r/AvPD subreddit.)